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I am ... I could ... Maybe ... Wouldn’t ... I’d never...”I’d flummoxed her cognitive process with the invitation. I could tell part of her strongly wanted to come, she was really curious, and then she was being besieged with moral principles of the perceived masses.I teased further but laughed, “You have my contact information. You can let me know if you’re interested. Personally, I recommend it. You’d have fun, and I’d have fun being your mentor for the first couple of sessions.” I tried not to sound like I had lechery in my heart and lust for her beautiful body – but I did.There! I’d put my stake in the ground. I’d fundamentally told her that I wanted her sexually, and not just once. We’d been sending out friendship gestures to each other to each other since we met last night. I thought there might be a spark there, but the whole swinging thing may have killed it for her with me. Was she going to run screaming for her car at any second? ‘The guy I thought was nice, turned out to be. But now, all I have is a life I sentenced myself to because I was going to be responsible for the children I brought into this world. I am a Father and I am a Dad. I wanted to be part of their lives and not at the edge but the center as it should be. So I stayed. I sometimes wonder about this decision. Was it worth it? I am now turning 50 years old and my life is normal from an external viewpoint but internally, inside me? I am a mess. I need some tenderness and understanding and physical contact. Touching, cuddling and so forth. These are things that I desperately need and I am not getting. To feel a woman’s soft body snuggle into mine as I wrap my arms around her and here her purr in contentment like a cat. To pamper her by giving her a foot massage after a hard day on her feet. To enjoy some simple things, things to be shared by, dare I say, Lovers? Well, I thought I met her. I thought we were getting along well. But that’s the way it is with me. I, as I always do, got wrapped up.
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